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"You'd think I'd learn my lesson," he says. My boyfriend talks about his ex wife constantly. If he's guilty of such "mentionitis," it's like she's always on his mind. Does sharing wife always destroy marriage? Maybe he's still got baggage from being dumped or he's holding onto the idea that someday they'll get back together. If his ex seems to come up all the time, even when the conversation is pretty mundane, that's usually a warning sign. But if it’s weekly emails and you partner isn't devoted, then you have a legit concern, Hax says. What if his friendship with his ex is actually inappropriate or getting in the way of your relationship? We all compare our current romance to ones we’ve had in the past, and an occasional reference to an old steady is no cause for alarm. Too Much Contact With the Ex. We started a long-distance relationship and it was working ... then he told me he wanted me to meet her. “But," says marriage and family therapist Joan Sherman, "if it’s happening 24-seven, it’s a problem. My long distance boyfriend of two years (we are about a 3 hours drive apart) has been divorced from his wife for 17 years but has a college age son with her. Tell your boyfriend that is the kind of co-parenting relationship you expect from him and his ex-wife. When his male friend from work calls, your boyfriend has no problem taking the call in front of you. Liane Yvkoff is a freelance writer in San Francisco. For example, if she's tagging him in loads of pics or littering his timeline with cute, flirty messages. References: Elite Daily, Very Well Mind, Cosmopolitan, Elite Daily, Glamour, Chicago Tribune. You went all in on the Facebook problem, but that was just one of the things that was bothering you about your ex's relationship with his former wife. Then, last month, he posted pics on Facebook, and she commented with suggestive and flirty messages. 10 Traits You Might Recognize If You Have A Leo Moon Sign, 10 Kinetic Sand Instagram Accounts That Are Oddly Satisfying, 10 Of The Best Boy Bands Of All Time (& What Their #1 Song Was), Chinese Horoscope For Beginners: 10 Things You Should Know, 10 Of The Most Expensive Red-Carpet Dresses Ever (& What They Cost), 10 Proposals That Prove Social Distance Didn't Kill Romance. In an article, Glamour lists being his ex's handyman as a sign your boyfriend could still have feelings for her. I told him it was non-negotiable and used the word ultimatum, so when it came to breaking up, I had no choice. You're the one who speaks to him and knows what's going on in his day much more than she does — which is the way it should be! I've been with my boyfriend for 10 months. The ex can help, too. By being comfortable with your relationship and letting everyone know that he's in a relationship, including his ex, he's giving you a clear message that he wants to be with you and he wants everyone to know that he's off the market. Yikes. We are getting very serious and I'm worried about him being too close to his ex-wife. He did delete some of her comments but never unfriended her, and then hid his friends list. He might not bring up his ex when you're shopping or doing something chilled together. "It was a strained relationship that wasn't going to go the distance.". "It was really hard for her," Rob says. But, Sherman says, it's time to let go of the reminders when the feelings are resolved. Talk about bad timing. "But friends tell me that I need to stop having contact with him.". Along With A Husband, Came an Ex Wife – My Husband Talks To His Ex Wife Too Much. I wasn’t bothered by that, and I was still eager to get to know him. If you notice your partner's afraid to bring up the ex or if your partner's tried and it's becomes a sore point, Sherman says, it’s time to ask why. That kind of a mistake usually suggests unresolved feelings for an ex. I told him he could even say that I wasn't comfortable with it. He is divorced with two teenagers to his ex wife. If you’re not OK with your current partner’s contact with an ex, say so. However, I realized this man and his ex-wife took it to a whole other level. Gray says, “If they’re spending too much time online following a past partner, it may make you feel neglected. He doesn't have to tell you everything they talk about, but he should be forthcoming about their friendship, such as by letting you meet her and spend time with her if you like. The sad part is that we both really love each other. You want to be with a partner who cares about you and doesn't want to hurt your feelings. "It was a disaster," he says. He's clearly still trying to protect her and support her, even though she's not his romantic partner anymore. Start the dialogue with your hung-up honey with a “working together” approach instead of pushing the other person away with angry words. It's really common and doesn't have to make you worry that your boyfriend is still in love with his ex. As time went on, I was under the impression that the only interaction that Don had with ex wife was regarding the children. He finds out that his ex has got herself a new boyfriend and he's genuinely happy for her. The important thing is that their friendship and interactions don't get in the way of your relationship. BF hugs and kisses his ex on the cheek every time he sees her. We are getting very serious and I'm worried about him being too close to his ex-wife. And it's discouraging her from seeing other people. And, when you ask him about his previous romantic relationship with her, he should talk about it instead of shutting down or becoming defensive. When your boyfriend tells you that he's still very good friends with his ex, your heart might drop. WebMD does not provide medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. Nice one. Also, by letting you hear their conversations, you can feel more secure that nothing inappropriate is going on. His ex was also always happy to see him. He's definitely not holding onto it or hoping to use his friendship with her as a way back into a relationship. Fraser agrees. When your boyfriend's ex phones him to chat or ask him something, he tells you she's calling and happily takes the call in front of you. That's the way it should be! (I am in my mid-40s, he is 40, and she is in her 30s.). However, if he confides in her instead of you and this happens regularly, then that's a clear choice he's making to have greater emotional connection with her. The important thing is to look for any inappropriate behavior that could signal there are still romantic feelings between them. Why didn’t it work?’ it can build a barrier to moving forward,” Gray says. I just broke up with my boyfriend because of his close "friendship" with his ex-wife. Pregnancy and parenting news, given to you in a way nobody else has. It’s going to keep both of you from enjoying the new relationship.”. The question you need to ask yourself is whether you made the decision before having all of the necessary information. Talking About the Ex Too Much. I must admit it makes me very jealous. Sign Up to Receive Our Free Coroanvirus Newsletter, Spice Up Your Sex Life -- No Matter What Your Size. Maybe they have interesting and fun conversations, but it's not like he's always logging into Facebook to chat to her or spending hours of your quality time together as a couple to catch up with her on the phone. Instead, he mentions her when it's really inappropriate, such as during an argument when he tells you what she would say so that he can prove you wrong, or when he's telling you he loves you and weirdly says something about her that makes you feel like he's comparing you to her. Someone needs to sort out his feelings, ASAP, before he can move onto a new relationship. It's even more of a red flag if she was the one who broke up with him. Yikes. My man is very close with his ex. Read on to discover 10 signs that your boyfriend might still be in love with his ex-girlfriend, and 10 signs that they're totally platonic so you shouldn't get stressed out for nothing. Tell your boyfriend that is the kind of co-parenting relationship you expect from him and his ex-wife. That's a job for the new guy she's dating, after all. For Andy Griffiths, a 43-year-old architect in San Rafael, California, that's not an option. Rob is in a serious relationship with someone new, and Danielle Benakos, Rob's business partner and former flame, says she goes out of her way to make Rob's current girlfriend feel comfortable with their unconventional dynamic. But, what if — worst-case scenario — he is? It can really make you feel like the third wheel to their so-called friendship. That probably includes not living together. When you log into Facebook, you often see that your boyfriend's been tagged in yet another picture with his ex. Or, “I’m into you, but I still want to see others.” If a longstanding relationship isn’t moving to the next level, then the roadblock could be another person from the past. The next year, his ex-wife brought her new boyfriend. "We're like Jerry [Seinfeld] and Elaine," says Rob, who didn't want to be identified by his full name because he's in a new relationship. We started a long-distance relationship and it was working ... then he told me he wanted me to meet her. If his ex seems to come up all the time, even when the conversation is pretty mundane, that's usually a warning sign. When I met my husband, I was obviously aware that he was married previously and had children with his ex. He told me I was, but yet he was unable to do this simple thing. The guilt can create a sense of unworthiness and hold someone back from fully surrendering to a new partner.”. They text, she uses his car, his debit card, and she posts things on his Facebook and her friends and family ask her if she is dating him again. They have no children or business ties. So Kelly learned to work on himself, and even said a few prayers. Wow, he really does care about your relationship a lot! However, things take a turn and become inappropriate if your boyfriend's spending time with her without telling you about it. They have keys to each others houses and freely come and go, even when no one is home. But Fraser says it doesn't always work that way, because the new partner tends to worry that the person hasn't gotten over the ex. Then the passion may get turned up again when your partner feels guilty for withdrawing from you. He says I need not worry, but I've been there before. Serving up the hottest food trends and the inside scoop on restaurants worldwide. Gray emphasizes, however, that many other factors can affect bedroom performance, such as depression, high estrogen levels, excessive belly fat, and drug abuse. “Often a hang-up is just feelings. Besides, if they're really just platonic friends, then what's he got to hide? One of the symptoms of not being ready to move on is the “I love you, but I’m not in love with you” talk. However, if he's always going on about how traumatic his last breakup was, it can start to make you think he's not over his ex. "You can be too close if it's creating problems in your relationships or if it's preventing you from moving on with your life and your work," says Gloria Fraser, a psychotherapist and mediator in San Francisco.

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