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I dig the hole, Rodney sticks in the tree and Mike here puts the dirt back.”, “Yea,” piped up Mike. It’s SPF 80: You squeeze the tube, and a sweater comes out. Hailing Taxi. This one is more of a boulder. “Sure,” said the first guy. Whilst sitting on the toilet he presses the first button. A man vacations on a tropical island, and the first thing he hears is drums. A cruise ship is a floating town of lazy people. The bad news is that both engines have failed and we will be stuck here. See TOP 10 travel one liners. He knows he can't climb over him, and so the little guy is sitting there, looking at the big guy, trying to decide what to do. As I waited for my luggage at the airport, a man lifted my suitcase off the baggage carousel. We would love to make this list of funny travel quotes and sayings bigger and better. What's worse than raining cats and dogs? traffic cones. All sorted from the best by our visitors. Related Funny Travel Links You May Enjoy: Want more hilarious jokes? We didn’t board for 20 minutes and they made us sit there on the runway for 40 minutes.’ Oh really? Denver International Airport has a control tower that sways in the Orville Wright said to his brother, “Wilbur, you were only in the air for 12 seconds. My flight was delayed in Houston. Dear Hotel People: We don't need a cheeseball clock-radio. They have a different word for everything!- Steve MartinRecently I found myself arguing with a British friend of mine over which tastes better: English cooking or dirt.- Bruce Cameron, Be advised that there is no parking in Europe.- Dave Barry, San Francisco leads the world in the category of Most People On The What happened next? He thinks to himself, "This driver is just as dangerous as a speeder!" "My advice for a 21-year-old: Don’t drink and vote." The good thing about it is that it looks perfectly still to the "Well you pressed the third button and now you are in hospital." You can knock anyone down in Spain and then just pretend there are a bunch of bulls chasing you. My husband was waterskiing when he fell into the river. Mark asked anxiously... John replies "Well you activated the automatic tampon remover.". She walked over to the limp, dead rabbit, and sprayed the contents of the can onto the rabbit. He loves film, comedy, and innovative technology. The last few years I’ve taken your advice about where to go. By the time we took off, there had been a 45-minute delay and everybody on board was ticked. "It’s true that hard work never killed anybody, but I figure, why take the chance?" Funny Quotes. All my other worldly possessions were in that leather suitcase. We won’t bite unless we’re angry. What seems to be the problem?" Did we catch up with the cow again?”. Sidewalk Holding Conversations With Purely Imaginary Companions. He goes to the beach 
and hears the drums; he eats lunch, he hears the drums; he tries to sleep, he can’t—drums. Can you make a sound like a frog?" I got excited when my son joined the cross-country team. Los Angeles is where you go when you want to be somebody. The first time my mother flew, she was a nervous wreck. To find out more see our. I haven't been everywhere, but it's on my list. Greyhound Bus Lines motto: “We Stop For Some Damn Thing Every 200 Yards.”. She followed him in. "Oh, they'll be all right in a minute officer. How could my luggage be in Cleveland?”. "My father had a profound effect on me. Then I'm gonna put pins into all the locations that I've traveled to. But he made a typo, so instead of sending it to Joan Foster, he sent it to Jean Foster, the wife of a recently deceased priest. Funny Quotes. ADVISORY: This site contains anti-depressive material. Checking her book, the cheery young hostess said, "I'm sorry, all we have is 6:45. Then please please please drop us a comment with the quotation below. Lighten up with these travel jokes and travel puns! Now picture this. Everyone wins! I’ve been to almost as many places as my luggage. Even more than a tie clip. If you look down towards the Atlantic ocean, you will see a little yellow life raft with three people in it waving at you. Then I spotted two employees... Q: What kind of chocolate do they sell at the airport? "Could you give a poor man something to eat?" Suddenly, over the public address system, the Captain announces, "Ladies and Gentlemen, I am afraid I have some very bad news. The argument raged until they stopped for lunch. A man accompanied by his big ugly daughter was traveling on a lonely road when they were held by bandits and looted of his belongings. While one was digging a new hole, the other was about 25 feet behind filling in the old. Add CommentsComment and share this joke on Facebook or Twitter, "This is Captain Sinclair speaking. My wife wants a shopping mall in this forest. A: Plane Chocolate. I found plenty of brochures but no maps. Funny quotes, sayings, photos, songs, videos and more. Sidewalk Holding Conversations With Purely Imaginary Companions.- Dave BarryIn San Francisco, Halloween is redundant.- Will Durst, Los Angeles is where you go when you want to be somebody. It's the one game where EVERYBODY gets to be a comedian! Boy, those French. at my destination. What did you spray onto that rabbit?” The woman turned the can around so that the man could read the label. I will be honest with you. Keith replied, "No thanks, but maybe my dog would like to stretch his legs. York said, 'Gee, I'm enjoying the crime and the poverty, but it just If your destination is not Washington, D.C., you should deplane at this time." In flying, the probability of survival is inversely proportional to the angle of arrival. Again, funny after the fact. This is a recorded message. A collection of funny Vacation jokes. There’s not even a bed here!” Porter replied: “This isn’t your room. See our new one liners or check one liner of the day. Suddenly his privates are cleaned thoroughly. John shows him and says to him "inside there are 3 buttons, whatever you do don't press the third one." August in Kansas City is hotter than two rats f*%king in a sock. My husband put his hands in the air and joked, “Don’t shoot!” The hunter responded, “Don’t quack.”. They have a different word for everything! We will turn the best ones into cool quotes on Pinterest. The inventor of cobblestones was clearly not communicating with the inventor of luggage wheels. Thanks to the Interstate Highway System, it is now possible to journey from coast to coast without seeing anything. During takeoff, the roar from the engines proved reassuring—it meant they were working, she reasoned. Cop: “Excuse me, Sister, what’s wrong with your friends back there? What When you leave New York, you are astonished at how clean the rest of the world is. Any time three New Yorkers get into a cab without an argument, a bank has just been robbed. If all the cars in the United States were placed end to end, it would probably be Labor Day Weekend. He is intrigued to find out what button 3 does, so he pushes it. He believes in bringing about positive change to the world through good-natured humor and innovative technology. I was flying from San Francisco to Los Angeles. boy flamingo is the one with a hat. The men worked right past the fellow with the soft drink and went on down the road. My fellow passengers groaned. That's the trouble with time travel, you never can tell. Do you know a funny one liner? The Week asked its readers to come up with a better name to match “the ambience of the... A hotel minibar allows you to 
see into the future and find out what a can of Pepsi will cost in 2020. If you look out of the windows on the port side, you will observe that the port engines have fallen off. WE NEED PLACES TO PLUG STUFF IN. Anna. “I’ve had it! Much to his dismay, the rabbit was dead. As I waited for my luggage 
at the airport, a man lifted my 
suitcase off the baggage carousel. Remember: Wherever you go, there you are. There were only 3 parachutes, though. If you look out of the windows on the starboard side of the aircraft, you will observe that both the starboard engines are on fire. Unless otherwise credited, all content ©2012 JokeQuote.com. Would you like that?". Cop: “Oh sister, that’s not the speed limit, that’s the name of the highway you’re on! Slay me, slay me now! I think that's how Chicago got started. But registering is FREE and don’t worry, we only need a name and e-mail address, and we don’t sell or share your information with any third-parties (see Privacy Policy). The driver continued at half-power, but then the other engine failed and the train came to a standstill. Lighten up with these travel jokes and travel puns! Thank you. Sister: “Oh! They have 
a huge clock right in the middle 
of the town. You must complete account validation before submitting jokes. If you tailgate, we will flush! I wonder how many miles I've scrolled with my thumb. What wind. You know you're in India when you hear yourself telling your Which U.S. state is famous for its extra-small soft drinks? When will pigs fly? Share 'em with your old man. If you look out of the windows on the starboard side of the aircraft, you will observe that both the starboard engines are on fire. unique to this site, and may only be used with permission. Did you partake in the miracle of human flight you non-contributing zero?’” — Louis C.K. I paid a lot of money for this room, but it’s nothing like I expected. When it's three o'clock in New York, it's still 1938 in London. I worry that this will distract me from my texting.- Andy Borowitz, Spain travel tip: If bathroom genders are indicated by flamingos, the He can't hold it in any longer and hurls all over the big guy's chest. Kansas is a piece of real estate that completely disproves the theory of roundness as a quality of the planet earth. Funny Sayings. Republican Jokes: laugh your way to the voting booth. How do you pronounce where we are in?” The guy leaned over the counter and said: “Burrr… gerrr… kiiing.”, It was mealtime on a small budget airline. Gosh that takes me back ... or forward. The flight attendant explained that there would be another 45-minute delay, and if we wanted to get off the aircraft, we would reboard in thirty minutes. "Remember: What Dad really wants is a nap. But he made a typo, so instead of sending it to Joan Foster, he sent it to Jean Foster, the wife of a recently deceased priest. Light travels faster than sound. "A conservative is a man who believes that nothing should be done for the first time." The Joke Game is the EASIEST way to have a hilarious party. Never trust anything you read in a travel article. 2. Where do math teachers go on vacation? I love it when the flight attendant says, “Your seat cushion becomes a flotation device.” Well why doesn’t the plane just become a boat? A: The road! All the people in the gate area came to a completely quiet standstill when they looked up and saw the pilot walk off the plane with a seeing eye dog! If the plane crash lands, those people will never stop looking for you. “Could you give a poor man something to eat?” asks the... Halfway between New York City and Washington, D.C., the train's engine fell silent. The Easiest Way To Have A Hilarious Party, On Zoom or In Person: Get the funniest new jokes & quotes every month! And his response was... "Why don't we just get out of the car, shut all of the doors, and then open them again and get back in and start it! Grandpa! (No Credentials Whatsoever). Whilst traveling through the Andes Mountains, we lost our corkscrew. The best part about living in an RV? Q: What goes through towns, up hills, and down hills but never moves? Q: Why did the librarian get kicked off the plane? Remember: Wherever you go, there you are. I went to Hawaii and Susan got pregnant. Seeing the guard walking along the track, a passenger leaned out the window and asked: “What’s going on?” “There’s a cow on the track,” replied the guard. yells the woman, slamming the door in his face. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak. Sometimes the road less traveled is less traveled for a reason. "Ma'am," the officer replies, "You weren't speeding, but you should know that driving slower than the speed limit can also be a danger to other drivers."

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