we broke up and he got another girl pregnant

Yet when it came to her most recent boyfriend, John . Unless Im sure the guy will make it worth my while, Im not going to do it. Is it fair that in cases where neither the man nor the woman wants to continue a pregnancy, only the woman has to undergo a medical proceedure (or even when they want to carry to term for that matter)? SEX WITHOUT A CONDOM!!! And if so, Im ready. Besides, why would you want to be with a man who is with someone else? So again I think you are making it seem like he treated her like a human being, and talked about this rationally, but really, he was pissed at her for having his baby, threw some money at her, and told her to never come back again. Cut your losses and get the hell out. No. Let me fill you in on reality: when a guy sleeps with a woman he believes to be on the pill, he does so with the not-unreasonable expectation that she doesnt want to become pregnant. You see being nurturing as a weakness. If the baby mama wants to keep the baby, its her decision. He should have taken more precautions. Therefore, when having sex with a woman, you must assume that she could get pregnant and could keep it even though you dont want it; or on the flip side, abort it even though you dont want her to. You mean, he should decide whether or not he leaves a kid constantly yearning for attention theyll never get? I said there and I think it bears repeating here: you have no right to assume the woman you are having sex with has the same views on abortion as you. August 24, 2019, 2:54 pm. And, you are not the choice. Youre wondering if he will marry her. Its more than I can handle on a Monday! iseeshiny Other times, breakups are not so obvious, and that can leave you questioning your decision. FYI first time posting but long time reader. A mans legal obligation to support his children is not some well hidden secret and nowhere is it mentioned that hes being asked for anything more. The kid has no blame here. Not everyone believes that. Its not really his right to decide whether or not she keeps the baby. 8 Red Flags that Her Pregnancy is a Trap. However, if a woman has sex with a man, she can make all the choices and decisions, force palimony, and essentially treat that man as their financial slave for the next 18 years. Would be nice if they could because there were many nights when I was pregnant where my husband could have had our babies lay on his bladder instead of mine. Is he supposed to lie and say shes a wonderful person, if she isnt? And guess whatthe potential consequences came to life, quite literally for him. Why you ask? But, it would have reduced the chances. But clearly this woman who is keeping her child DOES really want the child and is presumably prepared to handle all that comes with having a child. April 9, 2012, 8:26 pm. And as far as I can tell, it happens an awful lot. In the end he is a great dad and we are expecting our second.. a Girl:) But I think that both people have equal responsibility and equal rights in expressing a view. This is clearly a heated topic, so Im not sure were all being purely logical about it. This is the set up for some serious melodrama. He sounds like a conceited, arrogant, narcissistic a-hole. Absolutely BOIL. That way you and only YOU get to decide which woman you deign to procreate with. I dont think the actual equality is as you think it is, but even if I agree that it is, it has nothing to do with what happens early on in a pregnancy. 60+ years on this ball-o-dirt and witnessing the madness going on around this place, as well as being an honest-to-God Christian. Commenters on most websites just depress me I dont bother reading them anymore. Hey Bossip Fam, what do you think? I know youve been in a tough situation and the fact that you and your daughter came out of it the amazingly awesome people you are shows that all a kid needs is an amazing mother who wants to provide for her kid at whatever cost to herself. landygirl. Why is it that she gets to have his child and not you? When you two were engaged, he cheated and had a child by another woman. I dont think hes scum based on this either. LMAO. The guy had sex with someone who got pregnant. 2. iseeshiny reader, anonymous, writes (28 January 2008): A You seem too whiny for most womens taste. I highly doubt that he wouldve slept with her if he knew how incompatible they are prior to bedtime. I never really got over him and he never got over me. Has a great job. Having the right to do something OBVIOUSLY doesnt mean its always a good idea. But you were split up for 2 months and cant bear to live without each other yet he didnt waste any time jumping into bed with someone he barely knows? The LW said that he is furious that shes keeping the baby. And whether you think its fair or not that the woman gets the final say on whether to abort or not and the father has to live with that decision, it doesnt matter. I have been trying to have a rational conversation with people unfamiliar with reason. Please do better. This is my first time posting on here but I really need some advice. He told me he will obviously be paying for it but wants nothing to do with her OR the baby.. Always follow your gut and your instincts. Youre wrong. Look, you broke up with him because your relationship had some problems, and because of trust issues, and his inability to commit to you. it comes across really condescending and I think it makes people take your reasoning less seriously. landygirl I cant believe the absurdity of some of these arguments. Id at least like a comment from the LW, since, as much fun as this has been, I do agree that it seems not unlikely that the letter is contrived. About Press Copyright Contact us Creators Advertise Developers Terms Privacy Policy & Safety How YouTube works Test new features NFL Sunday Ticket Press Copyright . People are calling the LW scum because hes willing to abandon a child he helped create. Thanks for the clarification. If the woman is not required to support a child Addie Pray When you have a child with someone you will have to deal with them FOREVER. I believe that, in the case of consensual sex leading to pregnancy, both parties would be able to decide if they want to keep the child, and if the man doesnt and the woman does, she should bear full responsibility for child care, because it is a decision she has made. But sometimes, we don't even realize just how painful they are until after they've happened, and the person you love . Tell him to fuck off; if he couldnt live without you he should have figured it out before impregnating someone he cant stand. But thats a crime?. If youre going to have sex with someone you are not in a relationship with, be prepared that a *pregnancy* might happen. Please. My boyfriend broke up with me when I was 10 weeks pregnant. There are many other examples of behavior that might possibly lead to unwanted consequences that we each do daily. He doesnt want anything to do with his child? Two. Dudes inner-monologue consists of the word Fuck clouded by that ringing noise you get after leaving a concert. What sounded nice in theory is not sounding so great to Jimmy in reality. You can leave this dude, try to learn to live life on your own, try to show compassion toward your fellow women, and try to learn to identify unhealthy relationships straight away, before you find yourself embroiled in more soap-opera style theatrics. Jimmy has made his choice. Hed be out the door on you as well. I actually work in a field that deals with this, and let me tell you, the women who are actually applying for court ordered child support will be lucky to get $400 a month. But if that rape victim gave birth to the child, dropped it on the rapists doorstep and left, its highly probable that the law would pursue her for child support. Wow, youre a real piece of work, arent you. she didn't know that she's pregnant after in 4 month later. wendy, i love you for leaving the crazies to us! Even people who do want to have one often suffer from some kind of depression or at least sadness. Thats the risk that you take. Dump this creep. April 10, 2012, 11:43 am. Come on! exactly hes allowed to not want to be a father, but be smarter about birth control. It merely reduces the chances. When someone else makes a decision that massively affects my life for the worse and disregards my preferences, it makes me angry and frustrated. Does that suck for some individuals who didnt want it in the first place? Bossip Comment Policy Like being pregnant isnt massively uncomfortable. And that, fair or not, men do not have the option to compel an abortion or opt out of their financial obligation for any resulting children. All rights reserved. Women have figured that game out, and it sucks. I think both you and JR are twisting this around to make it sound like we dont like the dude because were prudes who dont believe in casual sex, or that were siding with the LW or something, when most of us actually said that we believe that the LW is as scumy as the dude. You know, I dont have much patience this morning,. Maybe because she wants a tie to the LWs boyfriend. First, if you cant live without someone, why did you need a break? You already have something that will tie you to her for minimum 18 years. reader, anonymous, writes (8 August 2008): A How about getting to know one another really well before having sex? April 9, 2012, 6:39 pm, Oh, please. Just 10 seconds in the slipstream at 175 mph.. Chuck Pelto ESSENCE.com is part of ESSENCE Communications, Inc. This is your CHILD. April 10, 2012, 7:06 pm. female Thanks for listening to me. Both parties should be concerned about birth control. April 9, 2012, 4:51 pm. Youre never going to persuade crazy, but other people reading can maybe read something interesting without getting too turned off by the insanity of one side. Well technically for me it was the way he reacted to his potential child and nothing about the way he treated the LW or the woman in the letter. I understand that there are many times when adoption is the best choice. Trap Red Flag #1. Furthermore, what adult man refuses to have a relationship wit a child he conceived. having sex with someone you dont know that well. And he put you in danger of contracting an STD because he failed to use a condom. Your 40-year-old ex-boyfriend sounds like an immature, irresponsible, whiney person. People think LW is out of line, because she has no right to be pissed at this women for wanting to keep a child, and no right to make up reasons why she is having this baby in the first place. April 9, 2012, 3:42 pm. On the other hand, the intelligent men are just avoiding commitment and having fun at YOUR expense. 4. Paternity laws in this country absolutely suck. But everything youve written here about the pregnancy and the well being of the child has made me look at things with fresh eyes. I hope the LW takes note of the fact that Amandas comment currently has 61 likes. Documents were drawn up by said lawyers. The only thing you need to think about is if you can stay and have a healthy relationship with a man who has a child with another woman and wants to bear minimal responsibility for raising the child. Hell, I dont even know the lady in question, and I can tell that shell be a lousy mother, too. James Felix Hes signing up for sex, not fatherhood, and it is an egregious breach of the implied sexual contract for the woman to turn around and say, Whups, knocked up! Sorry for any confusion! I think this guy is a jerk not because he had sex with someone else when he was single, but because he is taking no responsibility for a life he created. LW, your BF impregnates another woman AND you think that you are entitled to an opinion about whether she should keep her unborn child? Because, you dont know the other person you dont if they remember to take their pill on time, if they forget pills for days at a time, if they are taking antibiotics, or if youre just one of the unlucky small small percentage that gets pregnant while taking the pill. But if you are uninterested in a relationship with him because of his newfound drama then walk away sister. It really doesnt help the LW at all and doesnt belong here but here we go. Its when I disagree that I usually feel I want to write a comment. Scan this QR code to download the app now. Thats fd. He didnt marry you. Problem. If youd like to share you e-mail, we could correspond more about this. Theyre the exact same situation, but for some reason, hes scum. And if so, Im ready. Why do you want to be with such a douchenozzle? He chose to roll the dice and take his chances with intercourse. Before getting back together with your ex, maybe you should consider strongly whether or not you want to be with the kind of person whos angry that someone didnt abort in order to alleviate HIM of responsibility. I cant see how anyone would be upset with a man who agrees with that statement and concludes that he has every right to walk away from the whole situation. React. Abortion does away with a potential baby- a life that will grow into a child if it continues to grow over the next several months-, and the other is walking out on an actual human being. Im not so sure why he isnt allowed to be angry at her decision to keep the baby. April 9, 2012, 12:52 pm. I think your anger is severely displaced and I think I know why if you evaluate the situation without being blinded by your inability to live without this guy, you would see that his true character is shining through and its probably not someone you really want to be with. He is not the end all and be all. As for the whole mans right to not be a parent to a child thing, I agree with _jsw_. To be fair, (and Im not at all discrediting what youre saying, because it very well could be true), but no where in the letter does she mention that he did or did not use a condom. This attitude that men become slaves the instant a girl gets pregnant is actually very crazy, in my opinion. 2023 ESSENCE Communications Inc. All Rights Reserved. Can I interject for a moment and note that CUSTODY isnt generally whats tied to support; PLACEMENT is. His girlfriend got pregnant, they got engaged, realized they didnt work as a couple, they decided it was in the best interest of the child if he was not a part of her life in any way, shape, or form, and so he signed some legal documents waiving all parental rights to the child, which absolved him of any responsibility to provide child support. Birth control isnt full-proof. April 9, 2012, 4:23 pm. Its not fair to create more fucked up human beings by being the father a kid never had; by making them think theres something about them that wasnt good enough. Any complications from the abortion would be hers to bear, not his. So the man in there He should probably act responsibly too. 2.6K views, 5 likes, 0 loves, 0 comments, 44 shares, Facebook Watch Videos from Wildheart: **Miracle Baby Or Mistaken Baby- Man Denies Having Baby With Wife (Full Episode) - Paternity Court **. April 9, 2012, 11:46 am. Best of luck. Then how does the woman get off requiring the man to do it? Im waiting for the moral and mental gymnastics that say its OK to force a man to spend 18 years paying to provide a good life for the result of his error in judgement, but its not OK to force a woman to spend nine months working to simply give life to the result of her error in judgement. Having unprotected sex is not a crime, but if you have sex without a condom with someone you dont know or trust entirely yet, you need to know that there is the possibility a child could be conceived, either by accident or deception. reader, anonymous, writes (1 December 2008): A And, lo and behold, you arent coming across any better. Wow..two mintueswhen did he realize he couldnt stand her before or after the two minutes? You brought up the issue of trust and wanting to build trust. After that, its not your choice anymore. April 10, 2012, 2:42 pm. Waitplease have an abortion and i prefer you have an abortion aredifferent? Hes obligated to financially support the baby, which he is willing to do. silver_dragon_girl And if your original point was that gay men are smart enough to use condoms but that heterosexual couples seem too dumb to do so, that 1M number implies youre wrong. According to DeCrow, he shouldnt even have to pay child support, because thats fundamentally unfair. All Im advocating is the addition of a requirement that the woman has made a good-faith effort to contact the father-to-be once she found out that she was pregnant and that he didnt opt out of support. Though Ill grant you one concession: Not having this man in a childs life might be a blessing in disguise. Child support is nice, but a father it does not make. If he didnt get tested prior to running back to the LW then yes, he did expose her to STDs. It would have been way happier if its bottles didnt explode. She may have just dumped his ass and now he wants to temporarily get back with LW and knows what to say. I think we can all agree that the safest thing for men to do is to simply masturbate alone, while wearing a condom. And at 40 years of age, he should know how babies are made and if he didnt want kids, maybe he should have considered getting snipped? April 9, 2012, 2:39 pm. Great, yet another fine example of the sheer brilliance and intellect of more and more heterosexuals in this case, the male whom increasingly seem to have all the knowledge and intellect as to where babies come from as, say, your average comatose five year old. It happens, no matter what precautions are taken, unless you opt out of sex. female April 10, 2012, 5:30 pm. Shortly afterward we learned that he got the other woman pregnant. I mean, I know guys are suppose to stick up for guys, but come on.. So deal with that. Furthermore, why does this child need two parents? Steve, I dont think you should waste your energy getting so fired up about this. I cant even write anymore, my brain hurts. Its very comforting to hear and I hope to do as good of a job as your mother did. You sure arent one. )boyfriend who got the woman pregnant. So, let it be over. Changing the facts and then arguing them is just as useless as creating facts and arguing those whether you admit to it or not. The good news is that yours are a little less awful. I feel so depressed about everything. April 10, 2012, 5:54 pm. Dr. Sherry, My fianc cheated, we broke up but then got back together. Shes also calling him a troll because he likes to show up only for these types of letters when he can tell DW commentators that we are all obviously wrong and from the she-women man hating club. It only says he asked her to. A real man steps up to be there for the baby, more than just money for the baby, and to be there for the mother even if he cant stand her. Is that pretty much it? Which is funny, since weve been telling right wingers that all along. Ever. As a woman, you have control over that. But if YOU really are so fucked up and so pathetic that you want to build a life with a man who for intents are purposes wants to simply abandon his own child have at it. But biology runs the show and grown adults know the game going in. If you cant handle the idea that this could happen, then wrap it up, or dont have casual sex. And the internet is this perfect little anonymous bubble for people to shoot off their anger. The family structure is dynamic and without balance, falls apart. Just sayin. I think the LW here should wash her hands of this whole mess and stay away from the drama. For more information, please see our Hes made a choice. Well he will still have to pay child support. He has an obligation to use condoms until he is in a committed relationship to prevent unwanted pregnancy and to prevent HIMSELF from contracting an STD (and thus spreading it around). So the law says, hey, you two created this child, you two are responsible for supporting it. bittergaymark Oh, good lord. IF men want to engage in condomless sex and want a choice (which women DONt have btw, we dont TELL our bodies when we want our eggs fertilized and when we dont, I WISH we could that would be such an intelligent design feature!) These are very common questions going through a guy's mind when he finds out his ex had a baby with someone else and now wants him back. Deal with it, ladies. The obligation would fall solely on the mother. Because he had sex? But being on the pill is not akin to saying I will choose to have an abortion should a pregnancy occur. Where does the stork fit in? Let him go. lets_be_honest Is this a valid summary? I speak "strongly" sometimes beca. Thanks. 22. . When choosing adoption, I think youve made a conscious decision that your child will be better off being parented by people other than you. So, if she opted for an abortion and he was furious with her for not keeping the baby, would he be scum? But instead, she rushed into a new relationship with some new guy, got pregnant, and appeared completely irresponsible. reader, Silent wing+, writes (10 February 2010): A April 9, 2012, 12:23 pm. Briana DeJesus. I wouldnt advocate using the pull-out method alone, but if some stranger says Its cool, Im on the Pill and you dont *quite* believe her and you dont have a condom, I guess it wouldnt hurt. I dont usually ever think letters are fake, but this one MIGHT be fake. I didnt mean to imply it wasnt true, it just unfortunately isnt enforceable. my boyfriend & i have been together for over 2 years (2y 5m to be exact) & i found out i was pregnant about a month ago & at the time i must've been maybe about 2-3 weeks pregnant. Cant say Id give one to a stranger but intercourse with a stranger isnt my cup of tea either. Men will never have to make that choice. Move on already, LW. Except that hes not. You should be furious with him and dump his ass! ReginaRey The law does not say men need to be financially responsible if the woman decides he should be. He has a choice he can be a father and split the responsibility with the mother instead of forcing her to have sole responsibility. If its not easy, opt out of it. Then the day we got back from this amazing vacation, he broke up with me through email! Also who goes around talking about how he cant stand the mother of his child? Your body, your choice; however, your choice, your problem. I really only mean exactly what I said. This surprises you? Both of their attitudes kind of suck. April 10, 2012, 7:21 pm. The fact that he doesnt means hes no good for either of you. any story where a man was forcibly stopping someone from getting an abortion- Yes, that is terrible of the man in question. Guy Friday Neither are the kids, but thats beside the point where feminism is concerned, right? Now that that lesson is over do you have any other questions? Its such a heated issue, because everyone knows someone that has some sort of baby-mama-drama on one side or the other. Everyone knows it. April 10, 2012, 7:09 pm. . I had no idea. Its no excuse but no one will every be able to explain men. This isnt about a child who has been born and who has needs. Its wrong and its not fair, and thats what should be changed, not the fact that a man who voluntarily engaged in activities that everyone knows could result in pregnancy can *gasp* be sued for child support for a kid he doesnt really want. My point was BOTH of them are responsible NOT just one of them. April 9, 2012, 10:00 pm, No, I actually think that of us effectively use condoms Most of the dumb idiots I know that knocked girls up all thought they were safe because they were told all was well, Im on the pill PS. So, in other words, RR, it is a noble thing to give your child to strangers in the hope that he or she is treated well (that the adoptive parents wont abuse them, wont get divorced in a messy way, wont let them fend for themselves, and so on), even though youll have no interaction with that child again, but it is base and vile to have the same lack of interaction but to provide financial support which doesnt in any way affect the mothers ability to find a partner that is right for her. It doesnt sound like hes ready to be a one-woman man and get married (let alone start a family), and it doesnt sound like the LW is entirely willing and able to deal with being with a man who has fathered a child that isnt theirs. April 9, 2012, 3:07 pm. I think the overwhelming majority of adoptive parents are good, caring, nurturing parents. ele4phant I think that it does, as most have pointed out, take two people to get pregnant. It is legal. He didnt want a baby? Since most of the people here seem to be pretty strong advocates of womens right to choose, to be treated equally, and so on and I agree with those stances it seems backwards, odd, and a double standard to say that men need to be financially responsible if the woman decides he should be and that they should have no say whatsoever in that. April 9, 2012, 2:37 pm, Well, its always possible that shes NOT in her right mind. You seem to put a lot of blame on her, but you do know that he was there too, right? Your argument that consenting adults should never have sex unless theyre prepared to become parents neglects the fact that not only do we have the means to significantly reduce the risk of pregnancy, we have extremely safe ways of terminating pregnancies, especially very early on. April 9, 2012, 4:59 pm, FancyPants Any advice for me?Signed, AnonymousDear Sis,News Flash: This man is not and has never been your man. And seriously what is with people having sex with people they cant stand clearly you could stand them long enough to bang them. Seriously, that is your interpretation of the male thought process? He made his feelings clear to her when she was only two weeks pregnant, telling her they havent been together two minutes! Iwannatalktosampson No, honey, I am not and I dont believe HmC is either. Its called lying. Only a valid argument of youre completely unaware of how babies are made and that birth control does not prevent pregnancy but only reduces the likelihood. This gets to the basic conflict. You want to work on your social skills. And without condoms?!

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