french military victories joke

U.S. fights France at sea for 3 years; French eventually cave; sets precedent for next 200 years of Franco-American relations. Not hurt on the sideline to see how the second string will play) - Lost. Q: Why do the French people seem so hell bent on kissing Jacques From a bumper sticker: "Save the Crepes - Eat A Frenchmen!". sauna, but returned momentarily. wall. The American said: You know, really, some of our buildings might go In subsequent semesters Ill refer my classes to your page for examples of googlebombing for a page ranking assignment. Hitler dances in front of the Eiffel Tower, while the French and a three-day supply of mistresses in the house." who gave them Normandy in return for peace. I can guarantee you will laugh once you search this one up. A. A French rifle is for sale on e-bay. - War of the Spanish Succession - Lost. French really respect, like Jerry Lewis." put him back in his boat. that French bastard again.'. He bowed deeply and Q: What do you call 100,000 Frenchmen with their hands up? A: They couldn't find any French to join! A: "Speed bump ahead". However, this amount was never paid and that was later used as one of the justifications for the second French intervention in Mexico of 1861. The French are acting as advisers to the Taliban, to teach them A: Their armpits. This is later known as "de Gaulle Syndrome", and leads to the Second Rule of French Warfare; "France only wins when America does most of the fighting." The Frenchie looks about and sees a camel sitting at the bar as well. Last but by certainly no means least; god bothering Christian rockers were victim of being christened (pun intended) the worst band in the world in the Google SERPs. * French Revolution - Won, primarily due the fact that the opponent was also French. Loss marks the first defeat of a western army by a Non-Turkic Muslim force since the Crusades, and produces the First Rule of Muslim Warfare; "We can always beat the French." Syndrome", and leads to the Second Rule of French Warfare; France "Going to war without France is like going deer hunting without an accordion. A man on the corner of a street in Athens, selling Italian army rifles. Dismayed but not discouraged, he went to have a bite to eat With food in bellies and morale on the rise, the besieged made a stand and finally pushed the English out of France. becomes clear that this is a "no-kidding war," Jacques Chirac looks In World War I, he was known as the Lion of Verdun after he oversaw and won what is known as the longest and single bloodiest battle in human history. Q: Why do French men have moustaches? In a last-ditch effort, he took a sizable chunk out of the Prussian military and forced them to retreat. here? Because he - Hundred Years War - Mostly lost, saved at last by female schizophrenic who inadvertently creates The First Rule of French Warfare; "France's armies are victorious only when not led by a Frenchman." People joke about France being defeated in WWII. A: Shoot the guy that's pushing it! All the while, the American However, our Head of Content Mark Porter is skeptical that Reddit upvotes have any impact on ranking . an Italian. brain, and put him back into his boat. I always knew that Matt Cutts was more of a Papa Roach kinda guy. jam at the breakfast table when a Frenchman sits down next to him. A little boy comes home from school and goes to his dad. Germany first plays the role of drunk Frat boy to France's ugly girl home alone on a Saturday night. Tony Blair lifted the palm of his hand to his ear & the A: A rearview mirror, so they can see the war. In a war whose ending foreshadows the next 2000 years of French history, France is conquered by of all things, an Italian. walking down a street when they see a new store with a sign that Major. Believed to have been planned and executed by a group of anti-abortion protesters, this bomb was designed to make a political statement surrounding the abortion debate. "You American folk eat the whole bread?" and British soldiers in the Iraqi desert? hiding in Afghanistan, he may have escaped to Pakistan, or he may be for God's sake. 07277243 / VAT no. footwear designer. to help us eliminate this threat before its too late! learning the Horst Wessel Song and some small portion of the German "No ma'am," answered the butcher. "Do you know how many French it takes to get a pound of brains!?" the French usually lost, the French just happened to capture a British You are President Bush, what do you do? A: A Mirage. Figures just like the French to show up after the hard work has been Q: Why do the French have glass bottom boats in their Navy? True, French Loiusberg was lost to the British in the New World but Maurice of Saxony led the French army to victory in the Austrian Netherlands (Belgium) and was able to completely take it over. President Bush has called for the end of the marriage tax calling 12 - The Napoleonic Wars - Lost. kiss me and actually kissed the Englishman and got slapped for it.' The crowd A. Chirac's ass? French military victories was a popular early 2000s so-called Google bomb, a prank manipulation of Googles search algorithms to yield humorous or incongruous results. * Algerian Rebellion - Lost. Then she said "do you think I'm stupid, I'd never for you. Q: Why do Frenchmen carry crap in their wallets? Guys, one of the best ones thats still up is itanimulli, or Illuminati spelled backward. Rush Limbaugh, "They've taken their own precautions against al-Qa'ida. Suggestions:. As of May 2, 2011, the page is no longer listed in Google's first few results for "French military victories", but several links on the list go to sites recounting the joke. Saved at last moment by schizophrenic teenaged girl, who inadvertently creates The First Rule of French Warfare: "France's armies are victorious only when not led by a Frenchman.". The zoo administration quickly agreed to these conditions, so they - The second to turn tail and run. microchip better, on average, than the citizens of Baltimore. gorilla species available. * Wars of Religion - France goes 0-5-4 against the Huguenots. French-on-French losses (probably should be counted as victories too, just to be fair): 1208: Albigenses Crusade, French massacared by French. Let's face it. The clerk types on his computer and then says, Even with Charlemagne leading them against an enemy living in a hostile land, French are unable to make much progress. maneuver already.". Is it any wonder that Americas most beloved French character is a - The Franco-Prussian War - Lost. - American Revolution - In a move that will become quite familiar to future Americans, France claims a win even though the English colonists saw far more action. the Germans again) at Rossbach, the French were held off for the remainder slithering through the forest, when the bunny tripped over the snake Q: How do you confuse a French Soldier? ***Please note that the Web designer is not American and blaming the Web designer for America's history is illogical. The Landlord looks at the Frenchie and says "You want a go?" and whispered in the Japanese Ambassador's ear. "I would rather have a German division in front of me than a French He discovered that Google used links to determine page rankings while perusing 'internet rock star' Ben Brown's website. Richard Mann, an American in France wants to add the following: The French consider the departure of the French from Algeria in 1962-63, after 130 years on colonialism, as a French victory and especially consider C. de Gaulle as a hero for 'leading' said victory over the unwilling French public who were very much against the departure. Today, many see him as a traitor, a coward, and a weakling but these insults cant be made with putting a huge asterisk next to them. Where did you She gasped and fact, since I'm also an orphan, I don't even know what I am." Q. 4 - Wars of Religion - France goes 0-5-4 against the Huguenots. Q: What's the motto of the US Marine Corps? The Frenchman said: You know, really, when I have an erection, the Thank you," cried the bunny, in great excitement. so damn much?" His assistant quickly handed him a sheet of paper, he coughed scrimmage", or "the exhibition game" where the varsity squad is It all started in the late era of the Roman Empire because of the perceived need to shore up and maintain the country's natural borders: The Alps to the southeast, the Pyrenees to the southwest and the Rhine river to the east.. King Clovis I was the first to unite Franks across the country, taking it from land parcels held by various tribes led by chieftains . * War of the Spanish Succession - Lost. 27 British ships were led by commander Admiral Lord Nelson aboard flagship HMS Victory in the Atlantic Ocean near Cape Trafalgar, off the Spanish Coast. a salad fork and a dinner fork instead of the single fork on his into jam, and sell it to the U.S." - Italian Wars - Lost. This is a true story: I was up at a collage campus and this girl from The guy thinks for a This is later known as "de Gaulle Syndrome", and leads to the Second Rule of French Warfare; "France only wins when America does most of the fighting." This legendary bomb wasnt defused until January 2007, over 3 years from when it was first spotted. And Sarkozy is really interested in the girl. A: Because every time they shoot them off, the French try to Q: Why did the Statue of Liberty take karate? "As far as France is concerned, you're right." together in a carriage in a train going through Provence. "No," the kid replied, "hes screwing the sheep." Why one might decide to Google the phrase find chuck norris is beyond me, but if youre that way inclined (Chuck Norris inclined, not THAT way inclined) then hit the Im Feeling Lucky button which takes you to Arran Schlosbergs site NoChuckNorris.com. Germany plays the role of drunk Frat boy to France's ugly girl home alone on a Saturday night. This joke takes place about 100 years into the future. Q: What's the shortest book ever written? wrong thing. ", There was a Frenchman, an Englishman and Claudia Schiffer sitting situation. "I will give you each one wish, " says B. The American didn't say anything else. Why don't the French really want the US to attack Iraq? With all due respect I think President Bush is handling Why does Chirac's brain cost Sadly, the American fascination with personal hygiene (a fascination French ignored this though, and put all their effort into these defenses. Q: What do you call 20 dead Frenchmen in the back of a lorry. camouflage? This time around, the Vichy government is telling the German What is the difference between a drug dealer and a hooker? over a thousand miles! So with your linking and social sharing help lets see if we can get this very blog post ranking for dangerous cult! Yes, the free version of the SEO Spider allows you to discover broken links in the same way as the licenced version. France's contribution. The Prime Minister explained, "That was my cell phone, chaps. Their legacy of military might includes (successfully) fighting off vikings, Iberians, and, occasionally, the Holy Roman Empire. He was caught having sex with some of his patients. The Military History of France. Wow, its been almost 6 years since I wrote this post, and the interest in Google Bombs is still high. All trademarks mentioned are the property of their respective owners. Western army since the Crusades, and produces the first rule of modern Authors Note: Its a fools errand to try and rank these by historical significance or how they each demonstrate French military might, so theyre listed in chronological order: If you want to get technical, this battle happened before the formation of France proper. Brits. April 17, 2008 in Jokes & Funny Stuff. Aided by Allied air power, French resistance fighters were able to repel the Germans out of Free France in only four weeks and give the Allies the strong foothold they needed in the Mediterranean until the fall of fascist Italy. camel in the head and the camel gives the landlord oral pleasure. We seem to have overlooked some basic facts. Q: Why did the French celebrate their World Cup Championship in 2000 As usual, they were nowhere near the place when the fighting was going on. Matt Davis posts this in response to Andrew Ouellette above: Oh dear. French forces plead sickness, take to bed with the Dien Bien Flu. The others looked curiously at him. That is really funny. A: One is an ugly, scum sucking bottom-feeder and the other is a fish. common? conversation. The Frenchman blows a bubble with his chewing gum, then remarks, "We I want 'to peece' on my hamburger. St. Louis of France leads Crusade to Egypt. In order to achieve this, a group of people (normally lead by a disgruntled blogger or someone with a political agenda) will build a huge quantity of links to the desired page (with the chosen anchor text) so that the target website will rank in 1st position. The Battle of Trafalgar was a victory for the British Royal Navy against French and Spanish forces in 1805. program to teach French privates how to say "I surrender" in German A: You take off your shoes before you jump on the trampoline. but only under three conditions. Q: Do you know why the French invented perfume? fax. Therefore, William's coronation as King of England had nothing whatsoever to do with the French. Therefore the British are well known for their tea, and the French for their whine (er, wine). Go to Google and type in "french military victories" and click the "I'm feeling lucky" button. ! Q: How any French soldiers does it take to change a light bulb? Why is the U.S. Navy building a fleet of glass bottom boats? A: Because of the confusion caused by the fact that French women have Jacques Chirac telephones George Bush with a frantic plea for The only war listed as a win for the French was the French Revolution, in which they fought themselves. Two minutes later, the silence was broken by the sound of a phone 2,000 years of French history, France is conquered by of all things, A kid opened the door. asked what about the third condition. both were blind from birth. Parisian sauna. Third Crusade. A: So the French can show them how to surrender. First time an Arab army has beaten - World War II - Lost. WWII? Moors in Spain, late 700s-early 800s. said, "My deepest apologies, forgive my mistake. I'm think I'm getting a sheering the sheep." an attack, each Frenchman is urged to keep duct tape, a white flag, Conquered French liberated by the United States and Britain just as they finish learning the Horst Wessel Song. F. All of the above. Englishman were sitting as if nothing had happened and the Frenchman So the zoo administrators thought they might have to which Do you know why so many Europeans Immigrated to North America? Q: What's the difference between a Frenchwoman and a werewolf? This is the battle that won the Americans the Revolutionary War, so its most often seen as a major victory for the Americans. This being said, the salesman just could not believe his ears and The away from them". He is French, Tell you what, maybe I could slither all over you, and dressed middle aged French woman and the seat was being used by her American to Frenchman: "Do you speak German?" of the Genie's eye, 'POOF' - there was a huge wall around get it? William was, therefore, as alien to France as the experience of victory. Claims a tie on the basis that eventually the other participants started ignoring her. American: "You're Welcome! his room. Shows another rule of French warfare; when in doubt, send an ally. Microsoft releases new free Windows 11 virtual machines, Meta Quest 2 256GB and Meta Quest Pro VR headsets get big price cuts, Top 10 most requested features Microsoft has already brought to Windows 11, AMD confirms updating Radeon GPU drivers can brick your Windows installation, Here's how Apple might profit off of iPhone's upcoming USB-C port, The Complete Military History of France [Joke], Richer content, access to many features that are disabled for guests like commenting on the front page, Access to a great community, with a massive database of experience on hard & software issues, gaming and recreational activities, and more, Access to the Neowin IRC - you could make a friend from across the world and talk to them live, Access to Neowin contests & subscription offers and forums that are not open to guests/li>. Controversial American political commentator Bill OReillys website began ranking in 1st position for the phrase terrorist sympathizer back in 2005. And then, there was the whole matter ofSantorum. Then And the Englishman was thinking: 'This is great. Q: What do women who are snipers in the French military use as Q: Why do the French Smell? In French text books the U.S. in WWII is only 1 paragraph of Also should be noted that France attempted to hide behind the Maginot line, sticking their head in the sand and pretending that the Germans would enter France that way. Good list, and the Charlie Sheen remark is especially funny! Q: What do you call a Frenchman with a sheep under one arm and a goat Pierre was approached with a proposition: would he be willing to have ", but rather "How long until France collapses?" thinks long and hard and then eventually decides on former French Q: What Does "Maginot Line" mean in French? The second guy walks up and says "hello, Id like to buy a brain" to -- Argus Hamilton, "The French will only agree to go to war when we've proven we've found -- Dennis Miller. The Google bomb was made possible by clicking the Im Feeling Luckybutton on Googles homepage, which automatically sends the user to the top result, which at the time was Lerners fake page that resembled Googles search result page. I, too, have been blind since birth, and also never of his brain, so he had a quarter of his brain left. a solution. Napolean might have a few choice words for your historian. A: Kick his sister in the jaw. Due to the way that Googles algo works, the fact that so many news outlets had used photos of Romney while reporting on his recent completely wrong statement, means that the two are now associated in the SERPs. A: Because it doesn't really exist. Dennis Miller, "As you know our Allies of Evil are not being helpful with this Iraqi So they can see the rest of their boats Why don't credit cards work in France? A: How to surrender in at least 10 languages. D. To be a constant reminder of the help they gave to defeat the whining about America again. Q: What do French mobsters fear more than anything else? Q: What do you get if you see a Frenchman up to his neck in sand? The French woman looked down her nose at the American, ", George W. Bush, Tony Blair and Jacques Chirac were relaxing in a Lerner created a parody Google page for his blog that poked fun at the running gag of France's supposed historic military incompetence. A: REVERSE! "Oh, my," said the bunny, "I'm terribly sorry. totally foreign to French women) incites widespread use of condoms by A: They put up speed bumps at the borders to slow down the Panzers. France becomes the first and only country to ever lose two wars when fighting Italians. +Google +"french military victories" You'll find 25,000 pages already tried this :D. Dejin June 19, 2008, 12:52pm #4. $4.90 per lb and French brains were $450.00 per lb. Q. The Frenchman has a smirk on is face. that will help our users expand their word mastery. craft can only fly 3 centimeters below the sun." British were far more charming than French, ended up victors. 11 - French Revolution - Won, primarily due the fact that the forward gear comes in handy. :). to find his bed with one sheet. and my soldiers will not get scared." the middle of the road? Hundred Years' War: Mostly lost, saved at last by female schizophrenic who inadvertently creates The First Rule of French Warfare; "France's armies are victorious only when not led by a Frenchman." Italian Wars: Lost. madman could result in a bloodbath. surrendered to a tourist couple from Dsseldorf. Q: What do you call a man who only needs body armor on his back? I don't believe this claim is correct. Thousands of French women find out what it's like to not only sleep with a winner, but one who doesn't call her "Fraulein." I'm very tired." France becomes the first and only country to soft fur; you have really long ears; your nose twitches; and you have Q: What do you call a French fighter coming to the rescue of American This all happened while the English, the Russians, the Austrians, and the Germans were trying to intervene. (John Trumbull, "Surrender of Lord Cornwallis," 1820) Battle of Yorktown This is the battle that won the Americans the Revolutionary War, so it's most often seen as a major victory for the Americans. A: A white cross emblazoned on a white background! one behind me." A. He stood and looked around, "We in France have She looked at the display of brains Never fired and only dropped once. Q: Why does the French Navy suck? But the single landmark victory for the Franks came when Duke William the Bastard of Normandy pressed his claim over the English crown in 1066. Scientology Student: Search: "french military . Or hit the 'I'm feeling lucky' button to . The manager of the hotel was summoned and the See french military victories, farce, joke, pwn3d. The aliens decided to conduct an experiment, so they removed half his and sold to France." A: Shoot the Frenchman twice. How to Use Keyword Mapping to Future-Proof Your Site Structure, 4 Steps to Transform Your On-Site Medical Copy, Screaming Frog SEO Spider Update Version 18.0, Screaming Frog Wins Big at the UK Search Awards 2022, How to Use Roxhills Pinpoint Tool for Smarter Campaign Planning. President, we have been informed by our scientists that a Theres millions ofem there". Q: You are approached by three men while walking down a dark city Quite Interesting (Text copied at bottom of answer for convenience) Second, the event most Americans refer to with this "surrendering" rhetoric is WW2 where the entire continent of Europe was defeated by German forces. genie. One of the most notable ones was the phrase miserable failure, whichled to the official White House websites profile of George W. Bush ifthe Im Feeling Luckybutton was clicked. Since Philip did not invade England, the victory at Hastings was Norman - not French. blast was so strong at Disneyworld 25 French tourists surrendered." StrategyWorld.com, StrategyPage.com, FYEO, For Your Eyes Only and Al Nofi's CIC are all trademarks of StrategyWorld.comPrivacy Policy. Q: What is the most useful thing in the French Army? Q: What is the first thing the French Army teaches at basic training? don't. The bartender says back, "Excuse ME, but I was talking to the duck. It weights ---- Hannibal Lecter how to surrender properly." Q: Why do the French have huge heads? The He flew Q: Whats the difference between a Frenchman and a bucket of crap? his cards and immediately surrenders to that old warhorse, Gerhard A cursory review of French military history reveals the following: * French Revolution - Won, primarily due the fact that the opponent was also French. Pierre, an employee responsible for cleaning the animals' cages. This ended their colonialism. italian tanks can put the reverse gear on only on one the left track so they can switch sides even faster. But the victory would have never been if it werent for massive support from the French. that some older boys were discussing something that really bothered You missed out liar and poodle for turning up Tony Blair after the Iraq War fiasco. We love good humor and obviously hilarious jokes followed by a healthy laughter! A. Bill managed to offend most of the American population (he always offends some of them, this time it was all of them) by welcoming Al Qaeda to blow up the Coit Tower in San Francisco. Q: do Frenchmen always were yellow ties ? The woman shrieked and railed, and demanded that someone defend France is working at the desk of the bookstore and I asked her if she coloring in the second one! due to leadership of a Corsican, who ended up being no match for a British footwear designer. sheep." drawbacks it is a fine country. that. Conquered French liberated by the United States and Britain just as they finish learning the Horst Wessel Song. The real reason the French have not mobilized in the war with Iraq is Q: Why did the French plant trees along the Champs Elysees? First, French military history has arguably the most victories of any army on Earth. A: Welcome! francaise. Q: What's the motto of the French Army? The kindergarten class had to come up with a sentence using the colors green, pink, and yellow. are not helping us! --- General George S. Patton due to leadership of a Corsican, who ended up being no America's solution: kick their asses ("the Shores of Tripoli"). "I want 'to sheet' on my bed right now!". so wildly? French military victories was a fun joke shared online while it lasted. truth: Tanks that only go in reverse they've been repackaged A: To match the color of their blood! 16 - First Vietnamese war (in Vietnamese circles, known as "the Would it be a bad idea to turn the article into a List of French military victories that summarizes Military history of France, leaving the coverage of the joke as a top-disambiguation? Lets look at the Battle of Ligny. 1 - Gallic Wars - Lost. War - Lost, but claimed as a tie. Please tell me more about this During one of the many wars that the French and the British fought and the French usually lost, the French just happened to capture a British Major. The gorilla was in heat. stylish than sitting inside and drinking large glasses of whiskey I match for the Russian winter, Prussian grenadiers or a British him. don't. A: Breath the air in Paris! was shocked murmurs and exclamations of "How could this be!" To make matters worse, there were no male All the English had to do was starve city. In Washington, Britannia". He tells him St. Bartholomew Day Massacre, August 24, 1572. shame, too - he was by far the best vet in town. Again, shock and interrogation. Temporary victories (remember the First Rule!) Three ties in a row induces deluded Frogophiles the world over to label the period as the height of French military power. under the other? Italian Wars: Lost. 13 - The Franco-Prussian War - Lost. Q: Why did the Post Office have to recall its series of stamps TheFrench military victoriesGoogle bomb was created in 2003 by Steve Lerner, a university student from Toronto. The French have been our allies since day one and have stuck by us ever since. technological advancement reports. outside in Paris and drink little cups of coffee, but why this is more The Battle of Trafalgar was a victory for the British Royal Navy against French and Spanish forces in 1805. there was a kissing noise and the sound of a really loud slap. A: Gratitude.

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